I decided to help my wife this past summer with maintaining the flower beds she planted in the spring. It was an extremely tough job crawling on my hand and knees for hours a week through thick layers of mulch.
My job was to comb the hundreds of vibrant, multicolored flowers in dozens of varieties of annuals and perennials, find invasive weeds, and swiftly and efficiently remove them. A few weeks ago I learned a valuable lesson. Do you know that there are weeds that look just like beautiful, magnificent flowers? I’m serious. Do you know what led me to this brilliant observation? The fact that for the past three months, according to my wife, I’ve been meticulously watering and fertilizing a wide assortment of weeds. Some of these weeds have even reached prodigious heights under my tender, loving, and gentle care. Heck, I’ve even been pulling out weeds from around these weeds.
My wife like most women is a horticultural genius. She knows every species of plant and flower in the world, including their proper care and maintenance. This past spring she landscaped our yard, put down ten tons of mulch, applied different fertilizers, and planted at least forty-five different varieties of plants and flowers. After she finished, it was my job as a man to water everything and eliminate any weeds that might spring up. Everything was looking good until a few days ago when my wife came outside, quickly scanned the foliage, looked at me disapprovingly, and informed me that when it came to weeds, I was a master gardener. She then proceeded to decimate the flowerbeds I had so lovingly cared for all summer. She must have filled two garbage bags with what she told me were not flowers, but infestations of weeds. I said, ” But they’re so beautiful!” She even pulled two or three she said might be cannabis. As she continued to pull weeds, she headed for a particularly tall and beautiful weed that towered above the other flowers as it seemed to reach for the mid-day sun. I managed to shout, “Honey, for the love of God, not Maaaaaxxxxxxx………..!” I really loved that big weed.