Losing That Comfortable Feeling (#117)

 

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Have any of you ever found the perfect set of clothes? You know the ones. They not only feel comfortable and fit perfectly, but they make you look fantastic! You could look like the Frankenstein Monster on a bad day, then put on the clothes and have paparazzi mistake you for a Hollywood movie star. Often, in our entire lives we may only find such clothes once or twice. I can tell you two things. Not only is it hard to find those clothes, but once you do, it’s almost impossible to keep them.

I think it’s especially true with women. My wife had a beautiful pantsuit for a least five years. It was, not only soft and comfortable, but made her look twenty pounds thinner, gave her broader shoulders, a tiny waist, and a butt that would put Kim Kardashian’s to shame. I swear, it even made her look taller! Every time she would put it on, I’d follow her around like a wide-eyed little puppy, begging for treats. Well, to make a long story short, she caught it on something in the garage that I inadvertently left sticking out, and tore the sleeve. We were both devastated.

I’ve also noticed a few other interesting things. Do you know that wives like to give their husbands comfortable clothing to charity? It’s true. If you don’t believe me, go to a Goodwill Thrift Shop, and see all the people fighting over the clothes. Most of them are men trying to get back that ugly sweater, bright blue Hawaiian shirt, or those baggy orange sweat pants they’ve had for twenty years. Have any of you men seen a homeless man wearing some of your old comfortable clothes? Did you try to buy them back? Did he say,

“Sorry, I may be hungry and don’t have a place to live, but these clothes are the most comfortable I’ve ever worn in my life.”

You may have also noted that special, comfortable, well-fitting clothing are always the first to either get torn, rip along the seam, shrink in the dryer, get inadvertently bleached, or get drug away and chewed up by the family dog. Personally, I think it’s some kind of  cosmic curse or something.

I’m not kidding. Pull a loose thread on a stiff, starched, tight-fitting dress shirt that makes you look like a dressed up monkey, and see what happens; nothing. Pull a tiny thread on that amazing cardigan you’ve had since college, and the entire sleeve unravels and falls to the floor. I was leaving work the other day, looked down, and noticed my favorite gray slacks in the entire world had a tear below the knee, and my favorite polo shirt that makes my stomach look  incredibly small, had a big black ink spot on the pocket.

I’ll bet, I could put on an ugly, scratchy pink shirt, and a pair of clown pants. I could then fall off the side of cliff, roll a hundred yards over razor-sharp rocks, land in a ravine full of barbed wire, and the clothes would look like they were brand new. On the other hand, I could sneeze, and those magnificent velvet lounging pants I’ve had since the 70’s, would explode.

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About Patrick Dykie

I'm a simple, middle class family man, living a quiet life in eastern Pennsylvania with my wife and two sons. I love to write and make people laugh. During the day, I'm an account representative, and at night I'm working hard to be a writer. I've faced some things over the past few years that have slowed me down in my dreams, but I have always been an optimist. I also have a love of life, and believe it is a precious gift. I wish you all well on your own journeys.
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3 Responses to Losing That Comfortable Feeling (#117)

  1. lunamoth says:

    Ahh c’mon! I am a well adjusted if somewhat non-traditional woman and I gotta tell ya, I love my hubby in his “comfy clothes”. In fact, his “I Probably Don’t Like You Either” T-shirt is one of my all time favorites…maybe that’s because I’m the one who bought it for him!

  2. colonialist says:

    The proactive wife would seek to buy clothing for hubby identical in shape and cloth to the old favourites, but of more acceptable appearance – and do substitutions!

  3. Pickleope says:

    I don’t blame the wives of the world for disposing of comfortable clothes because those are generally the “turn-off” clothes. That shirt that you’ve had since college that says “I’m with stupid” that has an arrow pointing at your crotch may be super comfy, but it also creates a vaginal drought. Just as most husbands want to dispose of their wife’s sweat pants.
    Totally with your hypothesis that nice, good clothes disintegrate if so much as a dog farts in your presence.

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