I had breakfast at a diner yesterday. While using the men’s room, I saw a sign by the sinks saying, “Employees Must Wash Their Hands.” Do you really think the employees all read the sign, say “Wow, I almost forgot,” then meticulously and thoroughly wash their hands? Heaven forbid I should end up with the Bubonic Plague nestled between my two, over easy eggs and those neatly cut pieces of whole wheat toast. I’ve been thinking about all the signs I see everyday; and do you know something? I’ve come to realize, either people don’t read signs or they choose to ignore them.
I’m sure a lot of people ignore traffic signs. Why do they even put up speed limit signs? They should just install signs that say something like, “Suggested Speed 55, But its Okay to Break the Sound Barrier.” Heck, people don’t even think about their own signs! The other day a car came flying by me doing at least a hundred mph. On the back was a sign saying, “Baby on Board.” My only thought was, “I hope the poor baby’s encased in thick layers of Kevlar, and securely strapped into a space capsule; because its going to be one bumpy ride.”
Don’t even get me started on handicapped parking signs. If I see one more shiny black Mercedes zoom into a Handicapped spot, and watch a man in a business suit glance at his Rolex watch, and then sprint into the store, I’m going to flip. I saw a sign the other day that said, “Please Don’t Litter – $300 Fine.” Of course the area surrounding the sign was covered in discarded aluminum cans, broken bottles, and fast food bags and wrappers. Maybe we should make signs that people won’t ignore. How about, “DANGER AHEAD – Woman who just caught her loser boyfriend cheating.” What do you think of, “Beware, boss is on rampage, and looking for a scapegoat for the Morris account.” I know one sign I’ll read if I see it. “Warning – You forgot your anniversary again, and your wife is just inside the front door with a baseball bat.”