Today I was taking a walk past a local park. At the entrance to a huge expanse of trees, grass, flowers, a small lake, and abundant wildlife was a huge sign listing things not allowed in the park. Boldly written at the top in slightly larger letters was the word NO followed below by the words Smoking, Eating or Drinking, Pets, Alcoholic Beverages, Skate Boarding, Motorized Vehicles, Boisterous Behavior and Cursing. At the bottom of the sign, in bold letters was, Please Enjoy Yourselves.
Enjoy myself? Doing what? I didn’t see “No Ingesting Massive Quantities of Drugs”, on the sign. Hey, maybe I can ask the crack-head passed out by the park bench with all the discarded needles, if he wants to party. It just seems we have too many signs, rules and regulations, and they take all the fun out of life. I took a few minutes, and walked into the park and noticed other signs. They included: Stay Off The Grass, Do Not Pick The Flowers, and Please Do Not Feed The Geese. Feed the Geese! That’s not likely. If I’m not stepping in enormous mounds of geese poop, I’m fending them off with a big stick as those huge and swift winged devils with the vicious snapping beaks chase me through the park.
I was thinking to myself when I got home from my walk, that maybe I should put up my own signs in the park. They would be signs that might actually be of use to people. How about a sign saying, “Beware, Homeless Man Around Corner Panhandling For Change.” What Do You Think of, “Danger, Mugger With Club, Hidden Behind Third Oak Tree On The Left?” I better get going. I have a few signs to make. I may make a big one saying, “NO CURSING.” A few weeks ago I was accosted by a guy in the park with a gun who said, “give me your F…….ing wallet.” I guess he didn’t read the first sign.