The other day I met a friend from high school, who I hadn’t seen in years. She now dresses all in black, wears a habit, and calls herself, Sister Mary Margaret. Have any of you ever wondered what it would be like to have a nun as a best friend? I would think that it would have quite a few advantages.
I don’t think women feel threatened by Nuns. I could walk up to my wife and say, “Honey, me and Sister Mary Margaret are going to head to the Bahamas this weekend to do some scuba diving. Oh, and by the way; we’ll be sharing a room to save money.” She wouldn’t blink an eye as she says, “Okay, have a great time.” Imagine the money and trouble you’ll save on birthday and Christmas gifts. All a Nun ever needs are new habits, Bibles, rosaries, and comfortable black shoes. It gets even better! What if you’re forced to go to court for some reason, and she’s called as a witness for you. Pretty hard to dispute the testimony of a Nun for Heaven’s sake. I’ll bet most parents would be ecstatic if you showed up at their house with a Nun. They don’t drink, curse, or wear revealing outfits, and your mom might have finally found a woman whose good enough for you!
Nuns are also very lucky. I think it has to do with divine intervention or something. They can walk down the street, stroll under ladders, break mirrors, and pick up stray black cats and nothing ever happens to them. That’s why they all live to be at least a hundred years old, and are practically indestructible. When you’re with them you don’t have to worry about out-of-control buses jumping the curb, or stray space debris from out-dated Russian satellites landing on your head. Even muggers seem to avoid Nuns. They probably don’t want to take any chances with the guy upstairs. All this talk about Nuns got me thinking about starting a business called, “Rent a Nun.” I know it sounds crazy, but it just might work. Everybody wins. A guy gets a nice, interesting, non-threatening companion to hang out with. Plus, wives and girlfriends don’t mind, and the Sisters get some much-needed cash to help those less fortunate.
I wanted to be a nun when I was a real little kid. I never thought that I could serve as someone’s ‘Wing Man” or whatever the analogous term would be for a nun. Maybe I shouldn’t have dismissed my dream so quickly…
Lorna, I think you would be a great Nun, and we could hang out. I’ll bet though that your boyfriend is glad you didn’t join a convent.
Yes, he is quite happy about my career redirection.