I’m not afraid to say, I loveeeee…….. babies! Hopefully, in a few years, I’ll have some adorable grandchildren to spoil. I like to tell new parents to relax and enjoy these precious moments. It won’t be long before your sweet, little bundle of joy will be a teenager. You’ll still be having sleepless nights, spending a fortune on food, constantly worrying, and listening to incessant whining and crying, but on the bright side, you won’t have to change their diapers.
Is it just me or are babies getting smarter? I just saw a baby in a stroller wearing a set of headphones. I’ll bet if he wasn’t listening to Mozart, he was probably learning French through the incredible Rosetta Stone language learning system. Soon babies will be smarter than me. I already have a teenager who thinks he knows it all. What now, know-it-all babies? I do think some parents are pushing their babies a little too hard. I hear that parents are even playing classical music to them while they sleep in their cribs. I’ve also seen learning tapes on television that claim to be able to turn your kid into a super baby that will be reading by the age of three. Can’t we just let them be babies? Let them enjoy themselves by eating, napping and pooping their pants. Hey, that almost sounds like what I’ll be doing when I retire! I never pushed my son when he was a baby. I was just happy to have him say goo goo, and gaa gaa, not, “Excuse me father, but are you familiar with Gutenberg’s linear space and time theory?”
Most babies are so cute, but did you ever run into one that isn’t destined to someday have a fabulous modeling career? Worse yet, did the parent say, “Look at my precious little baby. Isn’t he the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen?” This has happened to me many times. What do you say if the baby looks like a cross between Keith Richards and let’s see…………. Keith Richards ten years ago? I usually end up putting on my reading glasses to make sure my vision isn’t deteriorating. If the baby still looks like Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones, I usually smile, and then lie. It’s not the poor baby’s fault his parents are facially challenged, and he looks exactly like them. Who knows; maybe he’ll grow up to be a famous rock star worth millions of dollars? I did, just hear something that upset me. I learned a company is coming out with baby perfume! I know; it sounds insane, doesn’t it. How could you ever improve on the smell of a baby? Now, if they ever come out with a women’s perfume that smells like a baby……… I’ll take a case.