The other day, a child of four or five came up to me at the grocery store, pulled at my sleeve, looked up at me with large innocent eyes and said, “You have a big head.” I didn’t think too much about it until this morning when I was shaving. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized something. All these years, I’ve been walking around with a head that looks like a beach ball with a face!
For all you people out there with rather over-sized, ponderous, and freakishly large heads. For those of you who are sometimes mistaken for a giant baby, or unlucky enough to spend days pulling migrating geese from your hair; I feel your pain, man. I feel your pain. Now that I think about it, maybe my head isn’t so big. I can still fit through doors, and can comb my hair in under an hour. It could just be out of proportion with the rest of my body. Maybe my lower body is incredibly small and compact due to that terrible incident when my legs accidentally slipped into a cosmic black hole, and it makes my head look bigger than it really is. Let me pull out my 100 foot tape measure, and see if I can can get a few dimensions on this big boy. Hmmmmm………. No, my heads gargantuan. The good news is, you know what people say about guys with big heads. Oh, wait a minute. That’s big feet. Oh crap!
I made a list of things to ask yourself, to help determine if you’re not just having a bad hair day, but may actually have an enormous head. When you’re on an airplane does your head get charged for two seats? Did you take out a second mortgage to buy a ski hat last winter? Have astronomers trained their telescopes on your head figuring they’d discovered an unknown planet? Does your leaf rake double as a comb? Do people huddle around you at the bus stop if it’s raining, to keep from getting wet? Do you paint your face orange every Halloween and go to parties as a jack-o-lantern? Do you buy head and shoulder’s shampoo by the case? Do you have to vacuum up all your dandruff? Do you wash your hair at car washes? Does a normal hair-cut cost you two hundred dollars? If you’ve answered yes to all, or most of these questions; welcome to the club. You are not alone my friend. You are not alone.