I was shaving the other morning, and decided to put on my reading glasses to get a better look. My first reaction as my eyesight became crystal clear was, “What the heck! Is that Llama fur coming out of my nose and ears, and didn’t I used to have a full and thick head of hair?
I think I may have found the answer to some of the world’s worst problems. I may have just come up with a viable solution to war, religious strife, crime in the streets, discord between countries, road rage, and even marital problems. What could this miraculous thing be? It’s actually pretty simple; puppies!
Somethings been bothering me lately. Every time I go to the supermarket, all the packages and containers seem to be getting smaller and smaller, but in TV commercials they appear huge. I bought a container of yogurt today that was so tiny, I ate it in three bites with a tablespoon. I just saw a commercial with the same brand being held in a hand, and the tub looked like a five-gallon bucket. I think I’ve figured out what’s going on. The only logical explanation for this strange discrepancy must be; “Baby Hands!”
Have any of you watched that show on AMC, called the “Walking Dead?” Pretty cool, huh? If you haven’t seen it, the storyline revolves around a group of post apocalypse survivors of a plague that has turned most of the population into an army of slow-moving, ravenous, flesh-eating, walking dead. It’s very intense.
I was in a clothing store the other day, and was passing through the women’s lingerie department. I noticed displays of bras and panties for plus-size women. The displays had quite revealing pictures of women wearing the latest in plus-size undergarments. They were made for women who may be a little bit larger than some of those extremely skinny fashion models, who for years epitomized what society considered to be beautiful. My first thought as I looked at the models was,
Have you noticed all those walk-in medical clinics springing up everywhere, with names like Urgent Care, Emergi Care, Rapid care, and Urgent Care Express. I heard they’re supposed to replace most of those trips we used to make to the emergency room. Awww…. I’m going to miss those hours of sitting on rock-hard chairs, listening to babies crying, and learning all those different foreign languages.
I can’t believe I made it through the latest flu season without getting sick. It’s been a rough one this year. Medical experts have said, new strains of antibiotic resistant germs and super bugs are out there, and we may be facing worldwide influenza pandemics in the coming years. Scary, huh? This week at work, it seemed almost everyone was coughing, sneezing, or wiping runny noses. I think I may have found a way though, to keep myself healthy over the coming years.
Being Catholic, and having the name Patrick, I have a special place in my heart for one of the most famous Saints. Every year, a week or so before March 17th, I’ll pull a couple of green tee-shirts out of the closet, dust off the Irish whiskey bottles, and buy some aspirin.
I’ve always wondered why film companies spend millions of dollars on horror movies. Just the cost of hiring actors, filming in exotic locations, gruesome makeup, and computer generated images of hideous and grotesque monsters, has to be astronomical. They should just set up a simple camera in a public restroom. I don’t know about you, but that movie would scare the living daylights out of me. You never know what’s going to be in one of those stalls. Just add some intense music, and you’ve got a horror classic.
I thought I’d never see the day when marijuana would become legal, but there are now eighteen states that allow the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. What, exactly does that mean? Does some guy in California say to his wife, “Honey, I have a terrible headache. Do you mind if I take a hit off your reefer?” Continue reading
